6 Reasons Your Kid Doesn’t Want to Go to School (And What to Do)

Find it almost impossible to get your child to school? Here are 6 common reasons kids often don’t want to go to school and effective strategies to help them overcome these issues. Give your child the support they need for a calmer school day.

When it’s time for school, does it suddenly become a battle to get your child out the door? Shoes are suddenly nowhere to be found. Your child has a headache — again. While it might look like simple defiance, school refusal often goes much deeper than that. 

Understanding what’s really going on can help you take steps to better support your child. 

Here are some of the most common reasons your child might refuse to go to school—and what steps you can take to help them.

Key Takeaways 

• When your kid doesn’t want to go to school, it’s often because of a deeper problem.
• They may be having emotional problems or dealing with bullies at school. Watch for subtle signs of a deeper issue, such as emotional outbursts and frequent somantic (physical) complaints when it’s time for school.  
• The first step in resolving the issue is to understand why it’s occurring. Then, you can take action, such as reaching out to a therapist for help. 

Signs your kid may be struggling with going to school 

Sometimes the signs are obvious that your child is struggling to go to school (for example, they outright refuse). But, other times, the signs are more subtle. As a parent, it’s important to recognize when your child is having difficulty with school. That way, you can offer the support they need. Here are some signs that your child might be struggling. These will occur most often right before or after school:  

• Difficulty concentrating 
• Increased anxiety or fear 
• Frequent absences from school 
• Emotional outbursts or tantrums 
• Decline in academic performance 
• Trouble sleeping the night before
• Clinginess or difficulty separating from parents
• Changes in mood (increased sadness or irritability) 
• Frequent unexplained physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches 

Common reasons kids don’t want to go to school 

If your child suddenly refuses to go to school, you’ll probably feel concerned and confused about what’s going on. Why are they suddenly so resistant? There are many reasons why a child might refuse school, from anxiety to academic problems. 

Identifying the reason behind your child's reluctance can help you help them. Let’s break down some of the most common reasons for school refusal. 

#1 Depression 

Research indicates that depression is a common cause behind school refusal. Depression can make even the thought of going to school feel like an impossible challenge for a child. When a child experiences depression, simple tasks like taking a bath, doing homework, and showing up at school are really difficult. 

That’s because the sadness and mood changes associated with depression deplete motivation and energy. It can also lead to somatic issues, life headaches and fatigue, which can make attending class hard. Therefore, a child with depression might avoid school altogether. 

#2 Social anxiety

Social anxiety can cause a child to avoid school. This kind of anxiety involves a fear of being judged by others in social situations, in particular. Normal interactions can cause intense feelings of anxiety and discomfort. Sitting with a group of peers at lunch, answering a question or speaking in class can all be incredibly stressful. A child may ruminate about these situations, which can cause dread and even panic. This can lead to a refusal to go to school in order to avoid these social interactions.  

#3 Bullying 

Bullying is a serious issue and a significant contributor to school refusal. According to government data, almost 20 percent of students (12-18 years old) in the United States report being bullied. 

Bullying includes things like social exclusion, verbal abuse, cyberbullying, and physical aggression. When a child is bullied, it shatters their sense of safety. Children who don’t feel safe at school may refuse to go to school. For these students, staying home is a way of staying safe. 

Bullying also contributes to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Children who are bullied, may feel better emotionally when they stay home from school where they don’t have to deal with this issue. 

#4 Separation anxiety 

Separation anxiety is a very common reason why a child might not want to go to school. Approximately 75 percent of kids diagnosed with this condition refuse school. Separation anxiety involves an intense and overwhelming worry about being separated from primary caregivers. Many children with separation anxiety worry about their safety while they are away from primary caregivers. The anxiety can be so severe that it causes a child to cry, have tantrums, or exhibit physical symptoms like stomachaches when it's time for school.

#5 Problems with peers 

Social interactions are a big aspect of most children’s wellbeing. Problems with peers can cause a child to become anxious and avoid school. Social challenges with peers can include being isolated from a peer group, difficulty making friends, or being the victim of bullying. In these situations, the idea of facing peers might be just too much to handle. Avoiding school is a way of escaping or avoiding negative peer interactions. 

#6 Academic problems 

When your child gets behind academically, it can seem like they will never be able to catch up. They feel overwhelmed. The constant pressure to keep up may feel like it’s too much to handle. Plus, they are embarrassed because they are behind all of their peers. This can erode their confidence. They don’t want to deal with it at all. So, they refuse to go to school. 

How to help your child if they refuse school 

Some parents take the approach of “just make them go.” However, this is not the answer and will not solve the problem.  Pushing them to go to school without understanding why they don’t want to will just make the problem worse. 

Instead, foster a safe environment where they can feel safe and comfortable discussing what’s going on. That way, they won’t feel like they are facing this problem alone. 

Encourage open communication 

It’s incredibly important to create an environment where your child feels supported and comfortable opening up to you. Encourage open communication by listening to them without judgment. Listen to what they say paying attention to themes of fear and frustration. Ask questions about how they feel. 

Nurture their confidence 

Nurturing your child's confidence is very important. That’s because it boosts the belief that they can overcome challenges and obstacles. Remind them of their strengths and positives. Help them identify ways to get past difficult challenges like academic work that may be challenging. 

Encourage them to set small goals that they can achieve and celebrate their successes. This will help them feel more confident about handling whatever challenges they are facing at school. It will instill the belief that they can achieve. They will be less likely to avoid school. 

Collaborate with teachers 

Collaboration with your child's teachers can be a game changer when your child doesn't want to go to school. Your teacher's insights can help give a fuller picture of what might be contributing factors at school. You can also work with your child’s teachers to make adjustments at school to provide more support, such as a daily check in. 

When to seek professional help

When your child doesn’t want to go to school, it could indicate that they are experiencing symptoms of an emotional problem like anxiety or depression. If your efforts to help your child with this have failed, it’s time to seek professional support. 

A child therapist can help get to the underlying cause of school refusal, and work with you and your child to address this issue. 

Your child deserves support— let us help

If your kid doesn't want to go to school, you are not alone in this struggle. At Emora Health, our compassionate therapists specialize in therapy for children and adolescents. They can help your child work through the behavioral and emotional challenges behind school avoidance. 

Whether it's peer issues, depression, anxiety, or something deeper, we’re here to provide compassionate support, and help you every step of the way. Let’s work together to help your child re-engage with school life. Get in touch — help is just a click away. 

SOURCES: 

• National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2021). School refusal and truancy. In StatPearls. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK534195/
• Kumari, P., Yadav, M. K., & Prasad, G. (2024). Understanding emotional and behavioral problems among adolescents: The role of depression, anxiety, and peer relationship problems. Current Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-024-05742-x
• UpToDate. (n.d.). Depression in children and adolescents: Beyond the basics. https://www.uptodate.com/contents/depression-in-children-and-adolescents-beyond-the-basics/print
• Sharma, M., & Kumar, A. (2023). School refusal and its psychological correlates in children: A review. Journal of Psychosocial Well-Being, 27(2), 145–150. https://doi.org/10.1177/09731342231220705
• National Center for Education Statistics. (2023). Bullying and cyberbullying. https://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=719&
• National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2021). Separation anxiety disorder. In StatPearls. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK560793/