How to Connect with Teens Who Don’t Want to Talk
Connecting with your teen can be a real struggle. When you ask how their day was, you get a one-word answer. Or, they fly past you and go straight to their room when you try to talk to them after school. So, what can you do to break down the walls between you and your teen? Here’s how to talk to a teenager who doesn't want to talk.
Key Takeaways
- Teens often withdraw from their parents because they crave independence.
- To help teens open up, parents should create a safe environment where they feel l ike they can express their emotions.
- Teens are more likely to communicate with parents who are consistent and reliable.
Why teens may not want to talk
It’s not always about rebellion. Teens may not want to talk to their parents because they crave independence. They want to figure things out on their own. Teens may not feel like their parents understand them. Teens have different lives. They worry about being judged or misunderstood by their parents. They feel like you might not “get it.” Some teens simply need space to think about things.
Normal developmental changes
It can be completely normal for teens to stop talking to their parents. This is a part of normal teen development. It has to do with their need for independence and control. During the teen years, your child is starting to build their own identity. Part of that process may involve pulling away from you and making their own decisions. This is not necessarily out of rebellion or anger. It’s a healthy developmental change. It may seem like they are distant. But, they are really not.
External factors
External influences like social media, school, and friends can all cause teens to pull away. These influences can weigh heavily on a teen — even more than their parents do. So, they may become more distant or guarded with their parents.
Signs your teen might need support
If your teen doesn’t want to talk, it could mean that they need support. Here are some things to watch out for:
- Behavior changes: A loss of interest in their favorite activities or sports.
- Social withdrawal: Avoiding everyone — family and friends.
- Severe social anxiety: Being very anxious or worried.
- Mood swings: Extreme highs or lows.
- Thoughts of self-harm: Expressing feelings of hopelessness and talking about harming themselves.
These signs indicate that they’re struggling and could use your support.
Creating a safe environment
It’s important to create a safe environment where your teen feels comfortable opening up. This will help your teen feel more comfortable sharing their feelings.
Setting the right tone
To set the right tone for your teen to feel comfortable talking to you, create an environment where they feel understood. Be approachable and calm in your manner. Let them know that you are interested in what they have to say. You can do this by acknowledging their emotions and actively listening to them.
Choosing appropriate times for conversations
It’s important to choose the right time to talk to your teen. You don’t want to try to have an important conversation with them when they are in the middle of a stressful homework assignment.
Find a time when they are relaxed. This might be while you are in the car together (as long as they aren’t driving!) Also, note their mood. If they seem stressed or upset about something, skip the important conversation. You can try to simply ask them, “Is now a good time to talk?” This gives them control and can help them feel more respected.
Respecting privacy and boundaries
Teens need their own space. It’s important for parents to acknowledge and respect that. Most teens don’t want to feel that their parents are constantly hovering. Give them the space that they need to process their emotions and experiences.
However, let them know that you are there for them should they need to talk. This will help build trust and improve your relationship with your teen, which makes them more likely to open up.
Communication strategies that foster connection
Building a strong connection with your teen isn’t about controlling every conversation. That will just make them pull away. It’s about communicating in a way that makes them feel understood and respected. Communication should be open — like a two-way street. They should know that they can come to you without being shamed or judged.
Practicing active listening
Active listening isn’t just about listening to what your teen is saying— it’s about really understanding them. To actively listen to your teen, make sure you are fully present mentally. Completely focus on your teen. Don’t try to fix your teen's problem for them. Instead, let them know that you want to work with them to come up with a solution.
Using open-ended questions
Open-ended questions encourage in-depth, meaningful conversation. Instead of asking your teen, “Did you have an okay day today?” ask them, “What was the hardest part of your day today?” or "What was the best part?" These types of questions encourage your teen to talk.
Finding common interests
Finding common interests with your teen can help you connect. It can help you build trust and foster natural communication. Wondering how to find shared interests? Do you are your teen love the same kinds of movies or shows? Perhaps you both have the same favorite team. Pay attention to what things your teen loves until you find common ground.
Building trust with your teenager
Building trust with your teenager is about being fair, keeping your promises, and showing up consistently. It can take some time to build trust — and that’s okay.
Consistency and reliability
Consistency is important, too, if you want your teen to open up to you. Check in with them regularly. Ask open-ended questions about their life. Finally, let them know that your available to talk anytime. Your door is always open. They will be more likely to come to you.
Following through on commitments
When you follow through on commitments, it shows your teen that they can trust you. When your teen trusts you, they are more likely to open up. Broken promises can make it hard for teens to communicate openly with you. Therefore, consistently show up for your teen.
Handling sensitive topics
When talking to your teen about sensitive topics, avoid being judgmental. Don’t lecture. Give them a space where they can feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Approach the conversation with empathy and compassion. Focus on validating their emotions.
When and how to seek additional support
When your teen is not communicating at all and seems sad, angry, or anxious most of the time, then it’s a good idea to reach out to a mental health professional for extra support.
Resources for parents and caregivers
There are several places that you can turn to for support, including your teen’s school counselor, a family therapist, and mental health hotlines like 988 Lifeline.
Professional support for teenagers
If your teen won’t communicate with you at all or is showing signs of having deeper issues, professional support can be invaluable. Therapists who specialize in teen issues can help provide your teen with the tools they need to express their emotions and navigate mental health issues.
Examples of breakthrough conversations
Breakthrough conversations are ones in which a teen opens up about something important. These conversations can help you get closer to your teen. Here are some examples of breakthrough conversations:
- Your teen says, “I feel like I don’t fit in with other kids at school.” You might respond with “it’s common to feel like you don’t fit in at school.” Let’s talk about the things you are good at. Maybe that can help you figure out where you belong.”
- Teen: “I’ve been really struggling with feeling down lately.” Parent: “Thank you for sharing that. Talking to a therapist might help. What do you think about that?”
Final Thoughts
Connecting with a teen who doesn’t want to talk can be difficult. But you can break through the silence with the right strategies. Remember, your teen needs independence at this time. They want to make their own decisions. So, avoid lecturing or judging them.
Use active listening, empathy, and calmness to discuss important issues with your teen. Make sure they feel heard and seen. Be patient — forming a connection takes time.
Connect With Your Teen
If your teen doesn’t open up and you aren’t sure what to do, reach out. At Emora Health, we specialize in therapy for children and teens. Our therapists can help your teen express themselves more openly. Take the first step today and get in touch.
Sources:
- Manago, A. M., Brown, G., Lawley, K. A., & Anderson, G. (2020). Adolescents’ daily face-to-face and computer-mediated communication: Associations with autonomy and closeness to parents and friends. Developmental Psychology, 56(1), 153–164. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000851
- Geuzaine, C., Debry, M., & Liesens, V. (2000). Separation from Parents in Late Adolescence: The Same for Boys and Girls? Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 29(1), 79–91. https://doi.org/10.1023/a:1005173205791
- Rutkowski, T. L., Hartikainen, H., Richards, K. E., & Wisniewski, P. J. (2021). Family Communication: Examining the Differing Perceptions of Parents and Teens Regarding Online Safety Communication. Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction, 5(CSCW2), 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1145/3479517
- Landau, Carol, and Carol Landau, 'Communication Skills: Active Listening, Avoiding the Lecture', Mood Prep 101: A Parent's Guide to Preventing Depression and Anxiety in College-Bound Teens (New York, 2020; online edn, Oxford Academic, 1 June 2020), https://doi.org/10.1093/med-psych/9780190914301.003.0004, accessed 28 Apr. 2025.