How to Deal with a Child Misbehaving in School: Practical Advice for Parents

You get another note from your child's teacher. They have misbehaved at school — again. Dealing with this is getting exhausting. The good news is that you are not alone. Lots of children misbehave at school. In this article, we’ll explore what’s really going on and share some evidence-based strategies to manage these behaviors. 

Key Takeaways

• Misbehavior at school is frustrating for both parents and children alike. It’s often a sign that something else is going on. 
• Punishing your child doesn’t solve the problem. Many times, it makes the problem worse. 
• It’s important to find and address the root causes of this behavior. Compassionate support, like therapy, can help. 

The story behind the disruptive behavior: What it means 

Every time your child has a tantrum, there's a deeper reason behind it. Children just don't act out for no reason. They are usually trying to communicate something with their behavior. Here are some things that could be going on beneath the surface. 

• Social problems: When your child acts out at school, it could be because of things like a lack of social skills (because of ADHD or other challenges), peer rejection, or bullying. 
• Emotional dysregulation: This refers to difficulty managing big feelings like anger, sadness, or anxiety. Emotional dysregulation involves acting out disproportionately to the situation. It’s often related to underlying mental health challenges.
• Stressful situations: Trauma, instability at home, and family conflict can all cause children to act out — both at home and at school. 
• Learning challenges: Undiagnosed learning disorders like dyscalculia, dyslexia, or dysgraphia can cause a child to become frustrated and act out at school. A 2021 study published in the Journal of Learning Disabilities found that children with learning disabilities, such as dyscalculia, and dyslexia, are at a higher risk for emotional and behavioral problems both at home and especially at school. 
• Mental health issues: When a child has mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or ADHD, they may act out at school. This behavior is a signal that they are having difficulty coping.
  
  

How to deal with a child misbehaving in school

School misbehavior usually isn't about defiance. It's often a sign that something is wrong. Your child could be overwhelmed or unsupported. They may need more academic support. Or an undiagnosed mental health condition like ADHD could be driving this behavior. Here’s what works (and what doesn’t) when dealing with this issue. 

What doesn’t work (very well): Punishment

While it may be tempting to think that strict punishments like suspensions will eliminate misbehavior at school, research shows a different story. A review conducted by The Brookings Institution found that policies that promote school suspensions don’t actually reduce misbehavior at school. Instead, they disproportionately affect students with disabilities, and those of color. This leads to negative outcomes for these students. 

In the same vein, using harsh punishments at home, like spanking, has been linked to higher, not lower, rates of disruptive behaviors in children. The takeaway? Harsh punishments don’t work. Children need guidance and understanding, not just discipline. 

Evidence-based strategies that work 

The key to helping your child turn around their behavior isn’t in enforcing stricter discipline. These evidence-based strategies do more than just help your child manage their behavior at school. They lay the groundwork for resilience and healthier emotional responses. 

1. Partner with the school

Your child's success at school is a collaborative effort. That collaboration involves you, your child's teachers, and other school personnel. The first thing that you should do if your child is having behavior problems in the classroom is to contact your child's teacher. You can also ask to schedule a meeting with the school counselor and even the principal. 

Studies have found that strong family-school partnerships significantly improve student emotional well-being and behavior, especially in children with behavioral challenges. 

When you meet with school personnel, ask them what behavioral problems your child has been having at school. Ask them to be special. Then, work with them to create a plan to address these problems at school. The plan should include: 

• Expectations and goals
• Progress reports (daily or weekly) 
• Coping strategies for your child 

By keeping the lines of communication open, you will help provide the support your child needs at school. 

2. Make it make sense 

You can use discipline strategies to manage behavior. But they should be logical and directly connect to the misbehavior. Logical consequences help your child connect the dots between their actions and the outcome in a way that’s easy to understand. These kinds of strategies teach, not just punish. 

Here’s an example: 

If your child doesn't pick up toys after playtime is over, they may lose privileges to the toys for a day. 

The consequence is given right away and it relates to the misbehavior. 

When a child sees that their behavior directly affects their privileges, it helps them become more aware that their behavior is not acceptable and holds them accountable. 

3. Teach emotional regulation

Managing emotions is something that can be taught. It starts at home. Simple emotional regulation practices have been shown to help kids reduce disruptive behavior both at home and at school. 

Use simple techniques like: 

• Feelings cards - To help your child identify and express emotions 
• Kid-friendly deep breathing exercises - Helps your child pause and regain control when they are angry or anxious. 
• A calm-down corner - A safe space to calm down will allow your child to regroup when things get overwhelming. You can work with your child’s teachers to identify a safe space at school where they can go to calm down, like they do at home. 

These interventions are great for when your child’s emotions run high. They can help provide them with the skills they need to better manage their feelings. 

4. Use positive reinforcement

Instead of focusing on your child’s misbehavior, try to catch them in the act of doing something positive. Whether it’s waiting patiently for their turn or using kind words, saying “I saw how you were kind to Susy” or “Great job waiting your turn” can really help your child feel better about themselves and do more positive things in the future. This can also help your child’s behavior at school because it reinforces desirable behaviors. 

5. Reach out for support

If your child continues to have behavioral problems at school, in spite of your best efforts, it's time to consult a child therapist. There could be underlying psychological issues like adhd, depression, or anxiety that might be influencing your child's behavior. Getting help doesn't mean that you have failed as a parent. It's the opposite, you are setting your child up for long-term success. 

When to call a professional 

It’s time to call in for backup from a mental health therapist or social worker if any of the following are true: 

• Severe and frequent behavioral issues: Outbursts, tantrums, and physical aggression occur frequently enough to seriously disrupt daily life. 
• School is a real struggle: Your child doesn’t have motivation, grades are poor, and teachers are raising serious concerns. 
• Changes in sleep or appetite: Your child’s appetite is poor. They are not sleeping well. These are both signs that something deeper may be at play. 
• They talk about death or wanting to harm themselves: If your child says things that worry you, like “I wish I weren’t alive,” take them seriously.  

Next steps for better behavior at school 

It can feel overwhelming when you are constantly getting calls or messages from your child’s teachers. However, you don't have to face these issues alone. Teaming up with your child's teachers, therapist, and other supports can help you create strategies to guide your child in the right direction. 

We’re here for the families that are struggling 

At Emora Health, we know how challenging it can be for parents when a child acts out at school. We offer personalized support to families in Florida and Texas.  Our licensed therapists can help uncover underlying issues that may be contributing to this behavior —whether it’s ADHD, depression, anxiety, or something deeper.  Take the first step towards more peaceful school days. Reach out today.