How to Deal With Bullying at School

Bullying is a serious issue that affects children and teens across the country. It can happen anywhere, but it’s particularly common in schools and online. 

While you can’t control what happens in the hallways or during recess, you can provide your child with strategies and support to manage challenging situations. This article teaches parents how to recognize signs of bullying and offers practical advice on how to address it at school. 

Tips for parents: How to deal with bullying at school

Learning that your child is being bullied is heartbreaking, but knowing how to handle the situation can make a difference in how it affects them. Here’s an action plan to help parents approach school bullying, starting with open and honest conversations with your child. 

1. Start the conversation early

It’s never too early to talk to your child about bullying. Help your child understand what bullying looks like and how to respond if it happens to them or a friend. You might role-play different scenarios or create a daily check-in to hear about their day.

Through these conversations, you’re building trust while empowering them to handle challenging situations. 

2. Listen to their experience

If your child opens up about bullying, try to remain calm and give them space to share their feelings. Thank them for trusting you, and avoid unhelpful and hurtful comments like, “You need to stand up for yourself more.” 

Instead, let them know that it’s understandable to feel upset. Ask how they'd like to proceed, and provide reassurance that you won’t do anything without discussing it with them first. 

3. Document each incident 

Bullying tends to recur, so make a point of documenting each incident. This includes dates, witnesses, and other relevant details. If bullying occurs online, it’s also important to take screenshots of all the occurrances, which can be useful if you need to involve a school anti-bullying coordinator or even legal professionals. 

4. Work with your child’s school

If your child is being bullied, it’s important to let the school know. You can start by sending an email describing the bullying incident(s) and scheduling an appointment with a staff member, such as a teacher, guidance counselor, or principal. This will allow you the opportunity to document and discuss the incident, share any evidence, and inquire about next steps to protect your child’s well-being. 

Each school has its own bullying policy that aligns with the state’s anti-bullying laws. Policies vary, but may include disciplinary guidelines, support resources, and further education for parents and students. 

5. Seek professional support

If you’ve noticed a change in your child’s mood or behavior, consider contacting a mental health professional. Research shows that bullying is linked to depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. It can also affect your child's relationships, sleep, and school performance. 

What is bullying?

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged childre that invloces a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over. Anyone can be bullied, but kids may be more likely to experience bullying if they’re seen as different, less popular, or don't fit in with their peers. LGBTQ+ youth also have an increased risk of being bullied compared with those who don’t identify as LGBTQ+.

Here are five categories of school bullying: 

• Verbal bullying: This is when someone uses words to cause emotional harm. Examples are teasing, name-calling, and offensive language. 
• Physical bullying: This involves causing physical harm to a person or their possessions. A bully might hit, kick, or push their victim. Physical bullying also includes stealing or damaging personal belongings.
• Relational bullying: Also known as social bullying, this involves harming a person’s reputation, relationships, or sense of belonging. For example, a bully may spread rumors, manipulate friendships, and intentionally exclude people. 
• Sexual bullying: This is bullying that is sexual in nature. It might include sexual jokes, sending sexually inappropriate photos, and unwanted physical contact. This bullying can also be further reported to Child Welfare Services/ child protective services and lead to family and legal implications.
• Cyberbullying: A more recent form of bullying, this is when someone uses technology to threaten, embarrass, or harm another person. It can occur via text, social media, and other online forums.

Four questions to recognize bullying behavior 

There may be some situations when your child doesn't immediately recognize that an interaction is actually bullying. Here are four questions to help you and your child recognize bullying behaviors.

• Is your child physically or emotionally hurt by the behavior?
• Has your child been targeted with this behavior more than once?
• Does your child want the behavior to stop?
• Is your child unable to stop the behavior on their own?

Signs that your child is being bullied

As a parent, you hope that your child will come to you when they're struggling at school. However, it’s normal for kids to hide bullying incidents from the adults in their lives.

They might feel embarrassed to admit they’re being bullied, or they might feel nervous about how you’ll react.

Your child might also fear that telling you will make the situation worse. 

Even if your child doesn’t come to you right away, recognizing the signs of bullying can help you connect them with appropriate resources and support. 

Emotional signs of bullying include:

• Mood swings
• Anxiety
• Reduced confidence or self-esteem 
• Avoiding school or social situations

Physical signs of bullying include:

• Unexplained injuries
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Complaining of frequent headaches or stomachaches
• Faking illness to stay home from school 
• Sudden disinterest in school, including declining grades
• Lost or destroyed property, such as books, electronics, and clothing 
• Changes in screentime 

Why kids bully others

People engage in bullying behaviors for all different reasons. One common cause is the need to feel accepted. When a child is afraid of losing their social status, they may respond by excluding or harassing others. They might even feel pressured into bullying others because they don't want to seem weak in front of their friends. 

Bullying can also be linked to environmental factors. For example, youth who lack empathy, emotional regulation skills, or healthy role models may be more likely to bully others. 

Practical strategies to empower your child against bullying 

Bullying is hard, regardless of your child’s age. Here are some practical strategies to help your child feel confident navigating challenging or upsetting situations at school. 

1. Practice responding to a bully

Teaching your child how to respond to a bully can help them feel more in control of future situations. Bullies are often looking for a reaction, so remind your child that the best thing they can do is to remain calm. 

Encourage them to take a few deep breaths or count to 10 before firmly responding with something like, “I don’t like that. Please stop.” or “Leave me alone.” If your child doesn't feel comfortable speaking up, simply walking away is always a safe response.

2. Improve their self-confidence

As a parent, it's hard to watch bullying affect your child's confidence and self-esteem. One way to counteract this effect is to help them feel safe, supported, and successful. You might encourage your child to explore new interests or spend time with trusted friends. You can suggest that they keep a gratitude journal or create a list of their strengths and positive qualities.

3. Encourage healthy coping skills

Parents can help their children find healthy coping strategies for managing stress, anxiety, and other difficult emotions. Everyone's different, but some ideas include:

• Reading
• Taking a walk
• Yoga
• Cooking dinner with the family
• Doing a puzzle
• Playing or listening to music 

4. Talk about smart social media use  

Thanks to the internet, your child is navigating scenarios that you likely never experienced at their age. If your child has access to a cell phone or social media, it’s important to set and enforce clear boundaries and expectations about online safety. 

For example, you might require all screens to stay in the kitchen or limit phone access to an hour per day. When your child is old enough for social media, remind them to make their profiles private and never share their passwords. If they become involved in cyberbullying, encourage them to report the incident to the platform where it was posted and to block the person who posted it. 

5. Learn how to help others 

Watching a good friend be bullied can be just as difficult as being bullied yourself. If your child is upset about how a friend or classmate is being treated, let them know how they can help. Some ideas include:

• Using the buddy system in the hallways and cafeteria
• Reminding their friend that the bullying is not their fault 
• Encouraging their friend to confide in a trusted adult
• Not repeating rumors or “liking” mean posts on social media 

Additional resources and support networks 

If your child is involved in bullying, you’re probably looking for as much information as possible to help you navigate the situation. Here are several national organizations, helplines, and advocacy groups that focus on youth mental health challenges, including bullying. 

• StopBullying.gov
• PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center
• Crisis Text Line
• The Trevor Project

How Emora Health can help with bullying

Bullying can be tough for children, as well as their loved ones who watch them struggle. As a parent, one of the best things you can do is learn about bullying so that you're prepared to support your child if or when they're involved in upsetting situations at school.

Emora Health connects children, teens, and young adults with licensed behavioral experts, including therapists and psychiatric clinicians. They’re trained in evidence-based treatments to help youth develop the skills to cope with difficult feelings and situations. With the right care, your child can learn to heal, grow, and thrive. 

Start your search today.