How to Teach Empathy to Kids

Imagine that your child is at the playground and they see another kid fall off the monkey bars. They rush over and ask if the other child is okay (even though they aren’t friends). That’s empathy in action. 

Empathy is at the heart of building healthy social relationships. Fortunately, it is a skill that can be taught and practiced. There are many ways that you, as a parent, can help your kid develop this skill. 

Wondering how to teach empathy to kids? In this blog, we'll discuss what empathy is, how it develops, and simple ways to teach empathy to children.

Why empathy matters for children

Research shows that empathy fosters positive behavior, better relationships, and increased success in life. For example, a longitudinal study followed over 750 children starting in kindergarten. Children who were socially competent and helpful in kindergarten were more likely to graduate high school, engage less in criminal activity, and have better mental health outcomes.

When children engage in prosocial behaviors (like helping and sharing), their brains' reward centers activate, making them feel good, which encourages future kind behavior.

Empathy is a key part of developing healthy social skills.

Good social skills help them make friends, support others, and solve problems. Empathetic children are less likely to exhibit antisocial behavior, making them more desirable friends.

However, parents may not always be focused on teaching kids empathy. A study by Harvard found that 96% of parents say they value caring in children, but 81% of youth report that their parents actually prioritize achievement over caring for others. So, more children feel as though the focus is actually on achievement, not empathy. 

Understanding empathy

Empathy consists of two types: affective and cognitive. Cognitive empathy, or "thinking empathy," is the ability to understand someone else's perspective without necessarily experiencing their feelings. You can put yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagine how that person feels.

Affective empathy, or "feeling empathy," is the ability to share and experience the emotions of others. For instance, if a friend is crying over the loss of a loved one, you might feel sad and tear up too.

Empathy and compassion are often confused, but they are different. Empathy is the ability to feel and understand another person's emotions, while compassion involves recognizing their suffering, feeling concern, and taking action to help.

Four core strategies to build empathy at any age

Four key strategies can help your child build empathy. These can be practiced and developed over time. They include: 

• Naming emotions: Teaching kids how to name their feelings helps them recognize and respond more effectively to emotions. When children understand their feelings, it’s linked to more prosocial behaviors. 
• Modeling empathy: Children learn by watching others, including their parents. When you demonstrate empathy in your everyday life, they will be more likely to engage in empathy. By practicing empathy, your child will be less likely to behave aggressively and more likely to show cooperation and kindness. Make sure to praise empathetic behavior you see them exhibit, too. 
• Perspective-taking exercises: Perspective-taking means understanding other people’s perspectives. You can use real-life examples or shows to teach this. Simply ask your child, “What do you think they might be thinking?” 
• Taking compassionate action: Helping others is good for your child’s mental and physical health. Encourage your child to perform small acts of kindness or compassion towards others. For example, you might volunteer together as a family on a Saturday afternoon. 

Age-specific techniques

Parents can help their children develop empathy through age-appropriate techniques. Engaging in the following activities can teach children that others have different thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and that this is perfectly acceptable.

Infants (0-1 years)

Newborns show a basic form of empathy called emotional contagion. Infants may cry when they hear another baby cry or unconsciously tune in to the emotions of their caregivers, whether those emotions are sadness, anxiety, or happiness.

Mirror neurons systems are thought to contribute to imitation and early social learning, which may support empathy development. Babies learn through imitation, and mirror neurons play a key role in developing empathy as they copy behaviors and recognize emotions.

You start shaping your child's empathy from the moment they are born. When they cry, you take care of their needs. By being consistent, they feel safe knowing their parents will take care of them. This will set the stage for empathy skills later in life.

Toddlers (2-3 years)

Learning to label emotions helps your child understand their own feelings, which later helps them recognize them in others. Pretend play is another way you can help your child learn about different points of view and practice social interactions. Peek-a-boo is another fun activity that helps them strengthen these skills.

Preschoolers (3-5 years)

When your child enters preschool, their critical thinking skills are just developing. Engaging them in empathy-focused games can help them practice their conflict-resolution and emotional recognition skills. Asking questions during story time encourages active listening and helps children understand emotions as the story unfolds. Role-play games are beneficial, too.

"Name It to Tame It" is a technique coined by Dr. Dan Siegel. When your child gets upset, have them try using their words to explain their feelings. Pausing helps them take a minute to calm down. Over time, they can then learn how to manage big emotions as they grow older.

Early school age (6-8 years)

Emotion charades is a great activity to help kids practice identifying body language. You can encourage children to play group board games, which can also help them with social skills and help them learn how to manage their emotions.

While watching a show or reading a book, ask your kid questions about the story. For example, you can ask them to imagine how the characters feel. This helps them practice emotional awareness and connect what they watch or hear to real life.

Tweens (9-12 years)

Older kids are at an age where they can take their empathy and act on it to connect with others to make the world a better place in everyday situations.

Doing simple projects like making cards for senior citizens, assembling care packages for homeless shelters, and helping with community cleanup offers direct exposure and hands-on experience helping others. Volunteering also fosters a sense of responsibility and purpose and may even have a positive effect on their health and well-being.

Teens (13+ years)

Talking about current events can help you and your teen discuss empathy. These talks can help kids learn to think critically, understand that they are part of a larger community, and recognize how their actions may impact others.

Another way to help your teen develop empathy is to help them understand their own biases. Direct conversations about stereotypes can help them understand how stereotypes affect perceptions and interactions. Encouraging reflection. Ask questions like “Can you think of a time when you changed your opinion about someone once you got to know them better?” 

Volunteering is a great way to teach your child empathy. Your teen is more likely to stick with volunteer work that they care about. They will have more meaningful experiences if you let them choose the community service project they want to do.

Skill building

Skill-building activities play an important role in your child's empathy development. Emotional literacy activities, perspective-taking, and storytelling offer kids a safe place to put abstract concepts of empathy into consistent behaviors they can then use in the classroom and with their peers.

Be an emotion coach for your child by consistently helping them identify feelings. Expand beyond "happy," "sad," and "angry" by introducing different emotions like "disappointed," "frustrated," and "anxious." This will help your child better identify their own emotions and understand others' feelings.

Kids learn by watching us. So, model empathy for your child in daily life. This can look like showing patience with a server who messes up your order at a restaurant. You could say, "She has a lot of tables to cover. It must be hard for her to keep up.” Your child learns that you understand and respond with patience and kindness. 

Practical empathy activities

Practical empathy activities can help your child understand how they can have a positive, real-world impact on change. For example, puppet shows can help younger children explore complicated situations and see what safe conflict resolution looks like. Family volunteer projects are another great empathy-building activity and can also be a bonding experience for your household.

Creative kindness tasks are fun ways for kids to make a positive impact. They can write cheerful messages on sidewalks, leave kind notes for close friends, or give sincere compliments. Teach them that helping other people makes you feel good. When your kid makes a habit of being kind and helping others, they will also feel good about themselves. This reinforces kindness as they get older.

Reinforcing empathy through praise and routine

Having a routine helps build good habits. Help your kid regularly practice empathy. One way is to start an encouragement jar where your family can write kind notes for each other.

Starting a gratitude journal can help them become more appreciative. Additionally, leaving surprise "just-because" notes for friends or family can promote kindness without needing a special reason.

Plus, when you praise empathetic behavior, you reinforce this positive behavior, which can motivate your child to keep moving in the right direction.

Overcoming common challenges

One challenge to helping your child develop empathy is egocentrism. Egocentrism means difficulty understanding perspectives outside your own. This is a common trait in younger children. Depending on your child's developmental stage, they may not yet be able to understand other perspectives and feel empathy at a higher level. 

Additionally, neurodivergent kids may show (and experience) empathy differently. For example, they might feel empathy, but struggle to express it. Others may sit quietly beside someone who is crying rather than using comforting words. This is because they have differences in brain processing and social cognition. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Autism found that kids diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder can learn and improve their empathy skills in their own way, although this may look different from neurotypical peers. 

Sibling rivalry often complicates empathy within families, as competition and conflict arise. When kids are focused on winning an argument or “being right,” they might not stop to think about how their sibling feels. With proper guidance and support, for example, a parent teaching perspective-taking, it might help them develop empathy over time. 

Measuring progress and tracking growth

When you teach children empathy, you can use simple, at-home assessments to gauge their progress. Reading emotions tests with pictures is an easy activity you can do with younger children, while parent-child reflection checklists can help you document and track changes in their social-emotional behaviors.

Social-emotional learning (SEL) program data on empathy can also be collected more formally through surveys, observational data, and performance-based tasks. Key research indicates that social-emotional learning programs help children improve these skills more effectively than control groups. These programs not only teach children to practice empathy but also reduce bullying while fostering kindness.

How Emora Health can help

Even with strong parental support at home, some kids may need additional support to develop empathy. If you feel like you have tried your best, but nothing is changing, it might be time to consider therapy. 

Emora Health clinicians specialize in working with children, teens, and young adults. Plus, we accept most major insurance carriers. You can use this real-time cost estimator to check your coverage.

We can quickly match you with the right specialist based on specialty, your child's age, and your preferred personality style. Contact Emora Health today.