Best used with a clinician.
For couples + parent-teen dyads. The eight rules are deliberately conservative — pick the 3–4 each pair commits to and post them somewhere visible. The "agreed" check requires consent from both, not negotiation by clinician fiat. Re-visit quarterly.
Adapted from couples-therapy literature on constructive conflict (Bach & Wyden 1969 onward). Phrasing is Emora-original.
<iframe src="https://www.emorahealth.com/activities/fair-fighting?embed=1" width="100%" height="640" frameborder="0" title="Fair Fighting Rules — Emora" loading="lazy"></iframe>Paste into a clinician blog or resource page. Loads lazily, full interactivity preserved.
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Set the rules before the fight. Tap each card to see why it matters; check the ones you both agree to. Then keep them somewhere you'll both see them.
Our agreement
0 / 8
Tap a card to read why it matters, then check the ones you both agree to.
Stick to one thing.
Tap to see why
Why this rule
Bringing up old fights makes the current one un-resolvable. Pick one issue. Finish it before the next.
Tap to flip back
Use "I" statements, not "you" statements.
Tap to see why
Why this rule
"I felt left out when…" lands. "You always ignore me" puts the other person on defense before they've heard the point.
Tap to flip back
No name-calling, no character attacks.
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Why this rule
"That was unkind" is feedback. "You're selfish" is a verdict on the person. Verdicts end conversations.
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Don't bring up the past.
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Why this rule
Old grievances belong in their own conversation. Mixing them in poisons whatever is happening now.
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Either person can call a time-out.
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Why this rule
Past 7/10 anger, no one is hearing. A 20-minute pause beats a 2-hour spiral. Set a return time before you walk away.
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Listen to understand, not to respond.
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Why this rule
You can disagree with what someone says only after you can repeat it back to their satisfaction.
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No threats — to leave, to harm, to punish.
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Why this rule
Threats teach the other person to manage you, not be honest with you. They erode trust faster than the fight itself.
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Aim for resolution, not winning.
Tap to see why
Why this rule
Winning the argument and losing the relationship is a real possibility. Ask: what do we both need here?
Tap to flip back